


you're leaving and baby i'm gonna miss you

by radstereo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America: The First Avenger, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, semi canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 19:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15079850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radstereo/pseuds/radstereo
Summary: "What's that?" Steve asked, curiosity getting the best of him. Bucky ran his thumb over the paper, which was dripping from being exposed to the rain. He cleared his throat and held his head up a bit."'To James Barnes,'" he reads. "I got drafted, Stevie."





	you're leaving and baby i'm gonna miss you

The rain was slamming down hard against the roof tiles outside, the crackling of thunder in the distance making Steve shake. His room was so incredibly cold, the blankets wrapped around his small body doing nothing to return warmth to his bones. The storm outside was only getting heavier and louder, and Steve couldn't stop the way his limbs trembled. He vaguely wondered if Bucky was awake still, or if he'd fallen asleep before the rain had intensified.

Steve carefully rolled out of bed, keeping the blanket around his shoulders. Hissing as his bare feet hit the cold floor beneath him, he quickly walked out of his room and down the small hallway to Bucky's. He leaned against the door for a moment, before knocking lightly. 

He got no response, so he quietly opened the door and poked his head in. With the moonlight shining in from the open curtains, Steve could see that Bucky's bed was empty and he was nowhere to be found.

Confused, Steve turned around and padded into the living room, looking out at the small balcony that emerged from the end of the room. He could see the silhouette of a man, sitting in the single lawn chair out there. The rain was pouring onto him but he made no effort to block it. Steve walked over to the door, and gently pulled it open. "Bucky?"

Bucky turned around, his face soaking wet and hair sticking to his forehead. A small smile appeared on his face when he saw Steve, and in turn, Steve smiled as well.

"Hey, Stevie," Bucky said, turning back to face his lap again. Steve noticed that there was something sitting in it, a piece of paper, maybe? He squinted his eyes but couldn't tell what it could be, so he trained his eyes onto the back of Bucky's head again, watching the droplets fall from the tips of his hair and slide down the skin of his neck.

"What's that?" Steve asked, curiosity getting the best of him. Bucky ran his thumb over the paper, which was dripping from being exposed to the rain. He cleared his throat and held his head up a bit.

"'To James Barnes,'" he reads. "I got drafted, Stevie."

Steve didn't say anything. It didn't feel like he could. His chest felt like it was collapsing, more intensely than usual. It was worse than an asthma attack; his lungs were desperately trying to suck in air, except it felt like all the air around him was fleeing. He didn't realize Bucky had turned to face him, or that he was wheezing quite loudly until suddenly he was wet, on the floor, and surrounded by warm arms. 

"Steve, breathe," Bucky whispered, taking hold of Steve's face and angling it up to meet their eyes. Blue against blue. 

Steve tried to suck in a few breaths but it felt impossible. He just leaned forward and crashed his head into Bucky's chest, letting the man in front of him cradle his small body in strong arms. Bucky was whispering all sorts of reassuring words, but Steve could barely hear him underneath the sound of his blood pumping in his ears. 

"Y-You c-can't-" Steve whimpered miserably, shaking his head against Bucky's chest. "You can't l-leave me here."

"I'm so sorry," Bucky said, pulling Steve even closer. "So, so sorry, Steve."

Steve finally caught a single breath, and it felt intoxicating. Bucky began to run his hand through Steve's hair, letting the blonde strands fall between his fingers as he gently scratched his scalp. 

"I have to enlist," Steve whispered, tilting his head up to meet Bucky's eyes again. He didn't even care that his entire body was soaking wet and his blood was freezing under his skin. He watched the raindrops drip off of Bucky's eyelashes and onto his cheeks.

"Steve, no," Bucky argued, shaking his head. 

"I'm not letting you go," Steve said, his eyes filling with tears again. "Ever." 

"You'll get yourself killed, Steve," Bucky said, and Steve sniffled. Bucky's hands were holding Steve's face again, and he could feel the raindrops sneak their way in between Bucky's fingertips and Steve's jaw, creating a barrier between their skin. 

"I don't care," Steve mumbled, feeling himself getting lost in the way Bucky's eyes glimmered as a few tears fell from them and mixed with the rain coating his cheeks. The moon was so bright, lighting up Bucky's face completely. Steve could see how red his skin was, a telltale sign that Bucky had been crying for a while. 

"Buck," Steve whispered, lifting his hand up to rest on Bucky's jaw. His thumb brushed against Bucky's bottom lip, and the brunette's mouth involuntarily parted. Steve bit the inside of cheek gently, "I'm not letting you go alone."

The street behind them was still loud, despite it being so late and the storm still raging on. Cars were honking just like any other night in Brooklyn, and as the rain fell around them, Bucky leaned down and pressed his lips to Steve's.

It took the blonde by surprise for a moment, before letting himself get enveloped in the warmth of Bucky; his arms, his mouth, just... him. Steve's hands moved up to thread into Bucky's hair, and he gently shifted closer to the boy. Bucky sighed against his lips and trailed his hands down to Steve's waist, splaying his palms flat against the small of his best friend's back and pulling him closer. 

Water droplets were making their way into both boys' mouths, making the kiss sloppy and uncoordinated. Steve was the first to pull away, leaning his forehead against Bucky's. 

"Take me inside," he said, his breath ghosting over Bucky's mouth. The brunette nodded gently, moving to stand up. He pulled Steve up with him, opening the patio door and entering the small apartment. Steve dropped the sopping blanket by the door, not wanting to track water all throughout the apartment more than they'd be doing with their own bodies. 

Bucky walked them to his room, and shut the door quietly behind himself. Steve turned to face him, taking in the way his wet t-shirt was stuck to his chest, accentuating the muscles pressing beneath the fabric. Steve suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable in his baggy sweater, which had become heavier with the added water weight. Bucky seemed to realize this, walking forward and gently slipping the clothing off of Steve's torso.

The blonde quickly moved to cover his chest, embarrassed, but Bucky placed his hands over Steve's and peeled them away. 

"You're gorgeous, Steve," he said, setting one hand on Steve's chest. Steve couldn't decided whether to watch Bucky's hand or his face, switching between both frequently. Eventually, Bucky's eyes came up to meet Steve's, and he leaned down again to kiss Steve again.

The boys backed up slowly, until Bucky carefully laid Steve down on the bed, moving the blankets from underneath them and pulling off his own wet shirt. Steve watched the muscles in Bucky's arms ripple with every movement, feeling the room begin to get significantly hotter. 

Bucky laced his hands back in Steve's hair, pressing their foreheads together as they laid in silence for a moment. The storm outside seemed to only be getting louder.

Steve wrapped his ankles around Bucky's calves, making a move to shift more up the bed. Both fully on the mattress, Bucky reached down and linked his thumbs in the waistband of Steve's pants. "Do you want me to?"

"Yes," Steve breathed out, eyes glued to Bucky's. A loud rumble of thunder erupted around them, causing Steve to jump slightly. Bucky shushed him gently, stroking his thumbs over Steve's navel. 

"You're okay," he whispered, carefully beginning to tug Steve's pajama pants down his legs. "Gotta get ya out of these wet clothes, yeah?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah." 

Bucky finally got them off, letting them land on the floor next to the bed. He quickly did the same to himself, now pressed against Steve in only boxers. He leaned down to kiss the blonde again, lips pressing against Steve's in the softest of kisses. Bucky could feel Steve's chest rising and falling beneath him, skin against skin. 

"This is so wrong, Buck," Steve whispered, but made no move to pull away. In fact, his arms wrapped around Bucky's shoulders, letting his fingers fall onto the nape of the brunette's neck, twirling the hair there. 

Bucky laughed softly against his lips, trailing kisses away from his mouth and to his jawline. "I don't care. Ain't nothing wrong with loving somebody."

"You love me?" Steve asked, voice coated with disbelief. Of course he knew Bucky loved him; but he'd always thought of it as a best friend sort of love, one that would never cross the line of brotherly. He'd subconsciously always wanted it to, but never thought Bucky would long the same thing. 

"I've loved you for as long as I've known what love is," Bucky whispered, looking up and locking his blue eyes with Steve's. The blonde felt tears begin to gather in his eyes again, because he never thought he'd ever hear that from anyone, much less Bucky.

Steve tugged him back up to his lips, smashing their mouths together and wrapping his legs around Bucky's thighs. Bucky's hands held the sides of Steve's neck as they kissed, and the whole world seemed to come to a stop around them. It was all them; one soul split apart into two bodies, colliding. Steve felt ignited underneath his skin for the first time in his life, his fragile bones strengthening for the man on top of him. The man he'd called his best friend since he was just a kid, somebody he'd loved without even realizing it. 

"Please don't leave me," Steve whined against Bucky's mouth, feeling a few tears leak from his eyes again. "Buck, please..."

"I'm right here, doll," Bucky reassured, pressing little kisses to Steve's cheeks. He was kissing away the tears there. "I'm right here."

"I love you," Steve cried, burying his face in the space between Bucky's neck and shoulder. 

Bucky nodded, holding Steve tighter than ever. "I love you too, Stevie. So much."

 

__________________________________

 

The night before Bucky had to leave was a messy one. Steve had been crying all day, but constantly trying to hide it from Bucky. Of course, Bucky knew Steve was extremely upset, and could see the way his eyes were puffy and red around the rims. That's why once he'd gotten home from his last day at work, he'd walked into their apartment and immediately made his way to Steve's room.

"Steve?" he asked against the door, leaning his head against the wooden surface. He heard the smallest of mumbles from inside, and took it as permission to enter. The door creaked open slowly, and Bucky was met with the sight of Steve laying on his side on the bed, blankets wrapped around him. Bucky walked over to him slowly, bending down next to his face and smiling softly.

"Hey, gorgeous," Bucky said, placing his hand on Steve's cheek and dragging his thumb across his jaw. Steve's lips turned up slightly in a smile, and that made Bucky's grin widen. "That's what I like to see."

"What time do you have to go tomorrow?" Steve muttered, biting his lip as he looked at Bucky.

"Early," Bucky sighed. "You'll still be asleep."

"No," Steve stated, shaking his head. "You're waking me up before you go. I'm not letting you leave without saying goodbye."

Bucky knew better than to argue with Steve. So, he just nodded, knowing that if he let Steve sleep through his leaving, the blonde would come to England and strangle Bucky with his own two hands. 

"Alright," Bucky agreed, kicking off his shoes and tugging his shirt over his head. He moved to climb into bed, wrapping his arms around Steve and placing his chin on Steve's shoulder. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, loving the warmth of the boy's body pressed against his. 

"Be safe," Steve whispered into the darkness. "Don't get hurt. I wouldn't be able to handle it."

"I will," Bucky said, kissing the side of Steve's neck softly. "I would never wanna put ya through that, baby."

Steve smiled at the pet name, feeling his heart flutter the smallest bit. He snuggled back more into Bucky's arms, closing his eyes and letting out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding in. 

"Shouldn't this feel dirty?" Steve asked, turning around in Bucky's arms to face him. "Loving you. Being with you. Shouldn't it feel wrong?"

Bucky smirked, leaning his head down and kissing Steve softly, parting the smaller boy's lips and slipping his tongue past. Steve sighed, melting into it and pressing himself closer to Bucky's chest. 

Pulling away, only slightly, Bucky chuckled a bit. "Did that feel wrong?"

Steve shook his head. "Not one bit."

The blonde whimpered as Bucky connected their lips again, tugging Steve into his lap. His hands held onto Steve's thighs as he straddled Bucky's hips, fingers carding through the brunette's hair. 

"I don't know if I can let you go," Steve whispered, his chest suddenly feeling extremely heavy. Bucky nipped Steve's bottom lip gently, squeezing his thighs. 

"I promise, I'll come home to you in no time," Bucky said, blinking back the tears about to form in his waterlines. 

Truth is, Bucky was so scared of war. He was so scared to die; couldn't imagine being offed in the battle and leaving Steve all alone. First his dad, then his ma, and then his best friend? He couldn't do that to Steve. So, if it meant making promises that he couldn't necessarily keep, then so be it. He'd rather Steve remember him with a smile on his face and positive thoughts spilling from his lips. 

"What if you don't?" Steve said, suddenly pulling out of the kiss. Bucky furrowed his brows, attempting to bring Steve back in, but the blonde just moved away. "God, Buck, what if you die out there?"

"I'm not gonna die, Steve," Bucky shook his head, sitting up and sighing. "You ain't gettin' rid of me that easily."

Steve ran his hands over his face, and it was silent for a moment, until a wet sob broke through the darkness. Bucky immediately rushed to pull Steve into his arms, holding the boy and rocking him back and forth slowly.

"Baby, it's going to be okay," Bucky whispered against his hair, stroking his fingers softly down Steve's back. "I'm gonna be okay, Stevie."

Steve just continued crying, each sob louder than the last. Bucky was trying to calm him down, but it didn't seem like anything was working. 

For the next two hours, Steve cried into Bucky's chest until his head hurt so bad he thought he was going to explode. Eventually they laid back down, and Bucky held Steve until the blonde fell asleep. 

 

_______________________________

 

"Steve, doll, wake up."

Steve's eyes cracked open, and the first thing he saw upon waking up was Bucky's face. He was wearing a sad smile on his bitten lips, and was sat down on the floor next to the bed.

The clock on the nightstand read 4:48 AM, and Steve didn't even remember why he was up so early until he noticed the bags sat by Bucky's feet.

"No," Steve muttered, the whole situation's memory crashing down onto him. "No, no, no."

"Steve?" Bucky asked, face growing more concerned. Steve just sat up and threw himself onto Bucky, wrapping his lanky arms around the man's neck. He started crying immediately, face buried in Bucky's collar.

"Honey, it's okay," Bucky whispered, pressing soft kisses all over Steve's head, between his hair. "Breathe, baby. Breathe for me, yeah?"

Steve tried to breathe but it fucking hurt. Everything hurt right now, knowing Bucky was about leave him for something that could inevitably kill him in the long run. Bucky was stroking his hair now, but come 5:00, he'd be leaving the apartment and Brooklyn and Steve all together. And, god, Steve didn't know if he'd ever see Bucky again.

"Don't go," Steve cried, voice breaking. He sounded so vulnerable, so devastated. "Please, Buck."

"I have to," Bucky said, his own voice rising in pitch. He was about to start crying too. "I gotta, Stevie. They'll find me and arrest me if I don't."

"Fuck," Steve whispered, clinging to Bucky like he was his life source. He couldn't do it. He couldn't.

Bucky helped him stand up, and walked him all the way to the door of the apartment, arms still wrapped around Steve's small body. He felt so fragile in Bucky's toned arms, felt like a piece of glass. Could shatter at any given moment.

Steve couldn't let go. His body wouldn't let him, no matter how many times Bucky whispered, "Stevie, you've gotta let go, honey,"

"I can't," Steve protested with what little energy he had. His voice sounded so weak. His body felt so weak. 

"You have to, baby," Bucky whispered, voice sounded almost as pained as Steve's. Finally, the blonde got the courage to drop his arms from Bucky's shoulders, looking up at the boy with tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes. 

"I love you so much," Steve said automatically, his voice raising as he spoke. He was about to burst into tears again. 

"I love you so much more," Bucky responded without missing a beat. A few tears trickled from his eyes, and he leaned down to press one last kiss against Steve's lips. "Punk."

"Jerk," Steve whispered back, closing his eyes. "This ain't the end of the line, Buck. You got that?"

Bucky nodded, pulling away. "Yeah. I got that."

He turned around and opened the door, stepping out into the hallway and turning back to face Steve. "I'll see ya, darling."

Steve choked out a sob, but quickly covered his mouth with his hand. He forced a nod, and said through his hand, "Bye, love."

Bucky bit his lip and finally tore his eyes away from the boy in front of him, pushing the door shut quietly.

And with that, Steve collapsed against it, banging his body against the wood and letting out the most pained cry he'd ever made. He was in agony. He could hear Bucky's loud footsteps making their way downstairs, and he knew that Bucky was going fast in order to resist the urge to just turn right back around and come home.

Steve curled up in a ball by the door, hanging his head between his knees, and sobbed. He'd cry there until eventually falling back asleep two hours later, and when he woke up at 1:00 PM later that day, he'd almost forgotten Bucky was long gone. 

Almost.


End file.
